Halloween Horror Challenge Oct 6th Pt 2: ZOMBIE GANG BANGERS (1997)

ZOMBIE GANG BANGERS (1997)

D. Walter Webster
Salt City Ent aka Sub Rosa

S.O.V.

I think I am going to try something a little different this time and actually blog this movie AS I watch it.

Music by The Devout Sound System!!! For a solid ten minutes into the movie we get no dialogue and dancing, dancing, dancing! Looks like they snuck into a really lame club and were going to make damn sure they got the most use out of the footage as possible. On the positive side there is a fairly hot stripper pole dancing during the entire scene too. Towards the end a zombie attack happens... I think. It is so damn dark it is really hard to tell.

Later a teen kid comes home to tell his drunk ass abusive dad he was attacked by “mean ass zombies” only to get beat for his trouble. A drunk brings home a hooker to meet his infantile adult baby brother, and another couple breaks up because he catches his women on the phone with some dude, All lite with horrible harsh red light that makes the video bleed and bleed and bleed to the point that it threatens to blow your video screen right open.

Baby Huey and his old man just killed that hooker and now grumpy old man is humping her. So far there is no plot. Just disconnected random scenes. Stephanie Beaton has sat at the bar for at least the first twenty five minutes of the movie. Is this going to be her entire role? Why are there Zombies running around? They just attacked her. They have ate everyone else but they are trying to rape her? Guess this is why it is called ZOMBIE GANG BANGERS huh?

The songs sound like DIE KRUPPS. 

Oh Nice. She is talking to the cops talking about how she tried to fight off her attackers and just whipped out her tits to prove how much they hurt her. To show off her bruises! This movie is CLASSY!!! Now they just made a crack about how the economy is shot to shit because the president is a Democrat! And the cop just threatened to rape her himself and he just slapped her to put her in her place! Wow! Annnnnnd Now the cop is raping her too... All because she is a “whore” as it has been explained...

This would be offensive if it wasn't such a bottom of the barrel below public access level piece of shit.
I think a fifteen year old with sever problems with women wrote it though.

“You don't know what it's like to be raped by zombies!!!”

“You're a whore Alice, and now you are letting these slobs beat you and rape you. You need a good therapist!”

Professional dialogue. David Mammett would be proud.

Wait Kitten Natividad is now stripping. She's not young, but she's still got it. (obviously before her unfortunate bout with cancer. Still glad she beat that and is still with us though).

Holy shit, is that THOR hitting on Stephanie Beaton? Nope it isn't but it kind of looks like him.
Oh no. The Rapist Zombies are back and raping her again. And the fat Baby Heuy guy is one of them. And a Japanese Tourist is taking pictures too.

Seriously who makes a movie like this?

Hey the one Zombie has an afro...

It looks like the chunky adult baby one is fucking the hood of the car and not her actually.

Her friend Betty is a twat. Why does everyone keep telling her what a whore she is? Oh look a couple of dogs trying to hump in the street...

Hollywood is a fucked up place.

So now they have gone to the Hollywood mondo store to meet Dr. Mondo to have him make an “ass-kicking tough Zombie Ninja” to help them fight. She has gone through the litany of showing off her tits, ass and legs to convince him. Claiming that if her tits get any more bruised they will never be the same!

The Chroma levels on the tape are so bad right now do to shitty lighting that almost nothing can be seen through the pink and red blurring.

Oh shit. The ass kicking zombie is a rip off of Jim Carrey from The Mask by wearing a Jester outfit. Kill me now. Kill everyone now...

This has now turned into a complete and utter rip off of THE MASK but without the then ground breaking digital effects. For the last ten minutes we have has a cut rate Jim Carrey impersonator doing an ultra shitty impression of that character. This was more painful than anything else in the movie so far.

Now, more zombie rape.

Oh, no. It is ALL IN HER HEAD. She is in a mental hospital and she has been getting shock therapy the whole time!!! But the Doctor is a psycho too! Cue shock ending!!!

But wait the end credits list DIFFERENT a different director! Someone named Jeffrey Scott... What the fuck?

I bet SUBWAY is thrilled to be listed as catering on this movie!

Stephanie Beaton was kind of a hot property at the time this was made with those WITCHCRAFT movies and what not, why oh why make a humiliating piece of shit like this? The world may never know...

Review © Andy Copp