Friday, April 23, 2010

Weng Weng strikes again!

D'Wild Weng Weng (1982) ***
D. Eddie Nicart

Shocking Videos
Full Frame

 If you don’t know who Weng Weng is then you really shouldn’t be reading this blog. Weng Weng is a god among men, or at least he was when the little guy was alive. He was barely 3 feet of caged karate fury with a bowl haircut who would whoop an ass without breaking a sweat. The ladies loved him, he wore leisure suits, had rocket jet packs and tons of other gadgets. He was cool as ice before the motherfucker Vanilla hijacked the phrase. This killa from Manilla was the toast of the Philipino movie industry in the early 80’s and made a crap load of movies all based around the fact that he stood no higher than your thigh. But he was a screen presence to be reckoned with as all of us who stumbled upon For Y’ur Height Only in the bargain bins way back in the 90’s will attest. Weng Weng changed lives man. So that brings me to this adventure, one of his more obscure flicks or it was until this print started making the rounds. Here the Weng stars as a secret service agent along with his friend Mr. Gordon who are sent to Santa Monica(!) because the Mayor has been ruthlessly murdered by a bandito named Mr. Sabastian (everyone is Mr. Someone in this movie).
Weng Weng Threatens a Native American in Santa Monica(!)

From there the dynamic duo basically just keep kicking the asses of Sabastian’s men until the incredible climax. Along the way they make friends with a dude with his tongue cut out (his annoying screeching will give you a headache), a couple of babes, and a pigmy midget Indian Chief (played by the dude who played Mr. Giant in For Y’ur Height Only). Sights you will see include Weng practicing his karate shirtless, him in his mariachi outfit saradading outside a babe’s window, Weng thrown like an Olympic football into the second story of a bad guy’s lair, Weng stuffed into the monk robes of Mr. Gordon and carried around like a fetus, and Weng strung up like a turkey to bake in the sun. But the keeper are two action scenes; one about 45 minutes in and then the climax.

Fuck you Chuck Norris. Weng Weng is the REAL DEAL!

The controversial "pregnant monk" gag scene.

The middle scene is simply just Weng Weng strolling along and every time he sees a group of bad guys he whips out his gun and kills them dead. Cold blooded Charles Bronson style! He’s done fuckin around! He kills at least two dozen people in a ten minute period! For the climax I swear Sylvester Stallone had to have seen this movie before he wrote the latest Rambo film because the similarities in the climaxes are odd to say the least.

Both films have the heroes surround on all sides by the bad guys, and both films have the hero manning a huge machine gun and mowing down the invading armies. Both films then have a native people rush in and help by fighting along side, in this case the Pygmy Indians (where did they find so many midgets?). Oh shit, I forgot to talk about all the ninja’s in this thing!

Realizing this is a far better gig than the old one on the A&E lot the Pygmy Tribe makes a run for it.

Extras from a Godfrey Ho production mistakenly think Weng Weng
has their VHS residual checks. 

Mr. Sabastian employs not only traditional “Mexican” banditos but a small army of ninja’s too! While this movie is undeniably entertaining it lacks the loopy, goof-ass charm of The Impossible Kid and For Y’ur height Only where things were clearly not being taken totally seriously. Here director Eddie Nicart seems to be wanting to blend the cheapjack Fillipino action film to something akin to a Peckinpah movie. Plus the dubbing is far too serious, unlike the uproarious For Y’ur height Only. But still, this is a worth while cult addition and for Weng Weng completists it is a must have.

Weng Weng, Mr. gordon and the Tongueless wonder sing for the ladies.

Reviews © Andrew Copp

At a time of War, it is time to get busy!

Slaves of the SS (1975) **
This double disc release from POP cinema’s After Hours imprint is most notable for starring “Victor Alexnader” aka Jerry Delony who most cult film fans will recognize as the Sheik in the classick Ilsa Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (who is NOT Spalding Gray who many, I included, have always claimed played the Sheik). Here he plays one Dr. Cockluv a doctor of the 3rd Reich who is doing sexual experiments on various nubile American and Jewish babes. The movie opens with him screwing some lab equipment in a very sparse lab decorated with flashing lights and cardboard computers. His assistant Franz interrupts him. Franz is played by a woman in glasses and an ill fitting fake mustache. He gives a speech about how he bent over Hitler himself thus the name Cockluv will be remembered! Soon they have captured three female American tourists(!) who will be worked over in the SS lab. But first we are treated to some Nazi sex in what looks like some unrelated super 8 loop that was cut into the film to spice it up since the movie had been on for almost twenty minutes without any hardcore action. Finally Cockluv has a blond American chick strapped down to his operating table and is going to test her threshold with a fuck machine made of some lawnmower motor and a dildo. This thing looks fucking dangerous as it moves slowly towards the camera pounding away, which is why it never actually penetrates the actress, who was probably pretty grateful for that small favor. Instead the Nazi guard goes for it and the sex is pretty hairy butt standard 70’s grinder stuff. The chick is from Texas so she makes funny comments and German music plays over their scene. The guard has the dirtiest feet in cinema history. When they are finished Dr. Cockluv tells Franz to keep an eye on the Texas chick because “Her sexual vibrations could destroy all of the 3rd Reich!” The next Sex scene is with a brown haired gar who has nice boobs and is pretty into it. The Doctor keeps watching through a kaleidoscope so most of the scene is shot through one! Later this same gal will have a lesbian scene with another gall and their double ended dildo action will look more like they are charming a snake than having any kind of sex. The camera keeps zooming in and losing focus too. As the movie reaches the hour mark it hits a climax. You can tell because newsreel footage of the Allies invading Germany has been cut in randomly. This newsreel footage is in way better shape print wise than the rest of the feature too. Then thanks to an added digital explosion the castle of Dr. Cockluv is blown up and the reign of terror is over. The end! A lot of work was clearly done to restore this movie as the 8mm loops were added, as well as the newsreel footage and slight digital work. It is a silly outing never to be taken seriously. You get the feeling the original filmmakers would have been just as at home making a softcore comedy than a hardcore flick. This new edition has been matted to 1.85 for widescreen TV’s and it is overmatted badly. Tops of heads are lopped off all the time along with occasional all important sex shots. There is even a joke where Franz puts the Doctor’s hand on her/his breast that is rendered incoherent because the breast in question is below the bottom matte. The DVD comes with a second feature called Woman of Vengeance which is reviewed below.

Woman of Vengeance (1977) **1/2- This west coast triple-Xer is the second feature in the Sex Slaves of the SS package from After Hours Cinema. While the print is worn to the point of almost being black and white, and is scratched to hell and back it only lends atmosphere to this sleazy little gem. Rick Lutz stars as a bike shop owner whose life sucks shit. His wife is a demonic shrew who just lays there waiting for it to end when they have sex, and criticizes him endlessly the rest of the time. What he doesn’t know is that his buddy/co-worker is banging her behind his back (and has her put on a ratty blond wig so he doesn’t feel so bad about it!). The wife and best pal plan to have old Rick rubbed out by a professional hitman so they can get a wad of insurance money and run off together. Things brighten up a bit when Ricky boy meets a bombshell in the bike shop, played by real life squeeze Rene Bond. Naturally they hit it off and he makes plans to hang out with her and her friends for a couple of days. Finally after almost a half hour into the movie there is some hardcore sex scenes as Bond’s friends start having the beast with two backs. But due to the condition of this ragged print it is unappetizing to say the least. Since all the color is drained from the print except red (which is what happens to prints that have not been stored correctly) When the gal is giving the dude head it looks like she is chewing off his cock! Yikes! Don’t even ask what it looks like when they start fucking. Rene and Rick start getting busy too as they realize they really, really dig each other, and this scene is rather smartly cross cut with a scene of the wife boning the friend. So its the cheating couples getting it on, cross cut together. Somebody making this movie was actually thinking. In fact that is what sets this movie apart. This is surprisingly well made, even though it clearly is shot for pennies, there is some style going on. Such as when the scenes are faded out using what looks to be actual grease pencil lines, but it adds a sort of hardboiled grit to the proceeding. A later scene has the hitman get off the phone with the wife, confirming where Lutz will be for the kill. She has been a particular bitch on the phone. The hitman is looking at Rick’s picture for confirmation of his target and says to himself “Man, why couldn’t it have been you who made the call first?” I won’t spoil the last third as it becomes more apt that the movie should have been called Man of Vengeance. As already stated the print is a wreck and it seems that some of the sound elements are missing too. Some sound effects seem to be absent here and there and at the 18 minute mark the hiss on the soundtrack becomes so loud you almost have to shut it off. Like Sex slaves of the SS this thing has been matted for widescreen TV’s and should not have been. This looks to have been shot on 16mm originally and this matting wrecks the frame continually shaving off chins, tops of heads, necks, and plenty of the sex (which in some cases is a blessing). This matting is a practice I really wish Pop Cinema/After Hours would stop doing. Its better to have the whole picture and have blank space on the sides of your TV, than lose important picture information so someone can fill up there expensive TV frame. Otherwise this is a solid little B movie hiding as the second feature of this set. But then what do I know, this whole generation watches whole movies on You Tube.

I can't find a clip for this set, so here is a clip of 42nd St. Pete explaining all about Grindhouses on 42nd street 9pick up Pete's AWESOME 8mm Stag collections from After Hours Cinemas)

Review © Andrew Copp