Halloween Horror Challenge Oct 6th Pt 2: ZOMBIE GANG BANGERS (1997)

ZOMBIE GANG BANGERS (1997)

D. Walter Webster
Salt City Ent aka Sub Rosa

S.O.V.

I think I am going to try something a little different this time and actually blog this movie AS I watch it.

Music by The Devout Sound System!!! For a solid ten minutes into the movie we get no dialogue and dancing, dancing, dancing! Looks like they snuck into a really lame club and were going to make damn sure they got the most use out of the footage as possible. On the positive side there is a fairly hot stripper pole dancing during the entire scene too. Towards the end a zombie attack happens... I think. It is so damn dark it is really hard to tell.

Later a teen kid comes home to tell his drunk ass abusive dad he was attacked by “mean ass zombies” only to get beat for his trouble. A drunk brings home a hooker to meet his infantile adult baby brother, and another couple breaks up because he catches his women on the phone with some dude, All lite with horrible harsh red light that makes the video bleed and bleed and bleed to the point that it threatens to blow your video screen right open.

Baby Huey and his old man just killed that hooker and now grumpy old man is humping her. So far there is no plot. Just disconnected random scenes. Stephanie Beaton has sat at the bar for at least the first twenty five minutes of the movie. Is this going to be her entire role? Why are there Zombies running around? They just attacked her. They have ate everyone else but they are trying to rape her? Guess this is why it is called ZOMBIE GANG BANGERS huh?

The songs sound like DIE KRUPPS. 

Oh Nice. She is talking to the cops talking about how she tried to fight off her attackers and just whipped out her tits to prove how much they hurt her. To show off her bruises! This movie is CLASSY!!! Now they just made a crack about how the economy is shot to shit because the president is a Democrat! And the cop just threatened to rape her himself and he just slapped her to put her in her place! Wow! Annnnnnd Now the cop is raping her too... All because she is a “whore” as it has been explained...

This would be offensive if it wasn't such a bottom of the barrel below public access level piece of shit.
I think a fifteen year old with sever problems with women wrote it though.

“You don't know what it's like to be raped by zombies!!!”

“You're a whore Alice, and now you are letting these slobs beat you and rape you. You need a good therapist!”

Professional dialogue. David Mammett would be proud.

Wait Kitten Natividad is now stripping. She's not young, but she's still got it. (obviously before her unfortunate bout with cancer. Still glad she beat that and is still with us though).

Holy shit, is that THOR hitting on Stephanie Beaton? Nope it isn't but it kind of looks like him.
Oh no. The Rapist Zombies are back and raping her again. And the fat Baby Heuy guy is one of them. And a Japanese Tourist is taking pictures too.

Seriously who makes a movie like this?

Hey the one Zombie has an afro...

It looks like the chunky adult baby one is fucking the hood of the car and not her actually.

Her friend Betty is a twat. Why does everyone keep telling her what a whore she is? Oh look a couple of dogs trying to hump in the street...

Hollywood is a fucked up place.

So now they have gone to the Hollywood mondo store to meet Dr. Mondo to have him make an “ass-kicking tough Zombie Ninja” to help them fight. She has gone through the litany of showing off her tits, ass and legs to convince him. Claiming that if her tits get any more bruised they will never be the same!

The Chroma levels on the tape are so bad right now do to shitty lighting that almost nothing can be seen through the pink and red blurring.

Oh shit. The ass kicking zombie is a rip off of Jim Carrey from The Mask by wearing a Jester outfit. Kill me now. Kill everyone now...

This has now turned into a complete and utter rip off of THE MASK but without the then ground breaking digital effects. For the last ten minutes we have has a cut rate Jim Carrey impersonator doing an ultra shitty impression of that character. This was more painful than anything else in the movie so far.

Now, more zombie rape.

Oh, no. It is ALL IN HER HEAD. She is in a mental hospital and she has been getting shock therapy the whole time!!! But the Doctor is a psycho too! Cue shock ending!!!

But wait the end credits list DIFFERENT a different director! Someone named Jeffrey Scott... What the fuck?

I bet SUBWAY is thrilled to be listed as catering on this movie!

Stephanie Beaton was kind of a hot property at the time this was made with those WITCHCRAFT movies and what not, why oh why make a humiliating piece of shit like this? The world may never know...

Review © Andy Copp

Day #10 is a frat challenge... IN HELL!!!

HAPPY HELL NIGHT (1991)
D. Brian Owens
Anchor Bay
1.85

On Halloween Night in the forties, a priest named Zachary Malius (Charles Craigin) sold his soul. Then in 1961, that same Priest became possessed and viciously murdered seven frat boys who went into a local crypt as part of their initiation games. Malius was put into a protective cell in the local mental institution and forgotten about.

Until 1991, when the party is on baby! Yeah!!!! Whooo!!!!! Those wacky party boys at Phi Delta Kappa know how to celebrate Halloween, or as they call it, Happy Hell Night, like nobody's business! To coincide with their party, they intend to make the new pledges, all one of them(!), do crazy shit to get in. After the suggestion of "fucking him in the ass" doesn't go over so hot, the local tech geek of the frat, Ned Bara (Ted Clark, where did they find this guy?) suggests sending the new pledge to the asylum to get a photo of the crazy, psycho killer inmate! Fun times for all! When the head jock Eric (Nick Gregory) tells his Dad (Darrin McGavin) about the pledge gag it results in probably the funniest, worst directed flashback in the history of film! Starting with blaring music that is a riff on the MIAMI VICE THEME! Then featuring McGavin as a teen played by current indie film fave Sam Rockwell who just grins into the camera in slow motion. Words cannot describe the intense stupidity of the scene. Then it's over and we still don't understand what we just have seen. But what Eric doesn't know is that his girl Liz (Laura Carney) is bumping the uglies of town bad boy Pete (Scott Bell). You know he's a bad boy because he wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle. But wait, there's more melodrama because Pete is Eric's brother! Say WHAT?! Eric spots Pete's bike at the local motel and decides to look for his brother in various windows and spots the couple making the beast with two backs. Or, I should say, spots a couple of body doubles, because the gal has huge breasts that do not match Laura Carney at all. A close-up of Laura Carney's face is cut in as she sees Eric through the window. Being the great ho she is, she doesn't tell Pete his brother just saw them fucking! So when he arrives at the party later, his brother punches him out and makes him go on the psycho frat prank with the pledge to prove his worth. (Did I mention earlier, Say What?!!!)

Bad Boy Of the Town Ladies. Watch Out!

Naturally, it goes wrong as the priest gets loose and tears off the hand of the pledgling. So Pete, being the bad boy hero he is, does what an all American badass should do: leaves the guy there to get butchered and runs for it. He makes no attempt to push the monster back into the cell and lock it (which would have been easy) or help the guy. Nope, just makes for splitsville.

Now here is where the movie really goes wrong. The priest is actually really creepy looking. Bald, pale, with total black eyes, he's a real shocker; and when he is on screen, he is a presence to be reckoned with. But you have to remember this was made in 1991, when all horror movies were under the influence of Freddy Kruger and therefor all bad guys have to make witty jokes, this being no exception. So every time he kills someone he has to spit out something funny. Like, he'll kill someone in a car and then say "no parking!" So what menace he has is right out the window, becoming a laugh riot, but not for the right reasons. The frat guys are almost as good. All of them are so interchangeable that you end up losing track of who is who, except that one of them has a broken leg. When Eric decides to bed down one of the girls, he uses the awesome pick up line of "I've seen you here before, wanna fuck". She likes it. But when they get to that point she turns him down because "your little jimmy isn't wearing a raincoat!" to which Eric confusedly asks "you mean a rubba?". So he stumbles out of bed goes downstairs to get one, sees his bottle of vodka and starts drinking instead. Forgetting all about the girl upstairs. Which is fine with her because she proceeds to rob the dumb mook anyway.

BARA is watching you get naked!

The Killer starts working his way through the kids at the party one by one, but no one seems to care. There is a semi-clever subplot were Bara has wired the whole house with video cameras to record the girls getting laid and undressing so he can sell the tapes, but instead ends up using this to monitor what the monster is doing. When the reveal of who the monster is, and the connection to the Frat kings happens, his own greed does him in. There's ridiculous witchcraft/exorcism mumbo jumbo to wrap things up and a Phantasm 2 rip-off ending.

HAPPY HELL NIGHT is incredibly entertaining, for all the wrong reasons.