Monday, October 15, 2012


SHEITAN (2006) aka SATAN

I should have known better when I realized the title of this movie could be pronounced "SHIT ON" and that is pretty much how I felt by the time it was over. Like someone had come into my house and took a big old flaming shit on my TV. This is so far the worst movie I have watched for this challenge and that says a LOT after the fecal feast that was ZOMBIE BABIES!

From the opening frames I knew I was on the last train to shitsville when far too much screen time is given to a sweaty, grotesque D.J. in a hipster club. One of those typical movie hip types where the guy is fat to be funny, and white but doing Hip Hop there for being ironic. I wanted to kick the guy in the balls the moment I saw him. Then we meet our actual characters a group of asshats to unlikable you wish the movie would take a sharp turn into MIDNIGHT EXPRESS and give these imbeciles a good run for their money.

"Come on little lamb. I'm taking you and getting out of this shitty movie!"

So this group of club kids (ethnically diverse though, one black guy, a Turkish girl, an Asian skinhead and the B-Boy white motherfucker that needs his teeth kicked out) decide to go to the one babe's family home for some R&R. Along the way they meet a semi-retarded goat herder play by a slumming Vincent Cassell in a performance that makes BORAT look subdued and understated. You know he is supposed to be hill people because he has big fake crooked teeth in. He spends the movie trying to emotionally seduce the emotionally barren kids for reasons that are never all that clear. After 50 some minutes of the movie which is mostly the kids trying to be cool and fucking around, or Vincent chewing scenery it starts trying to introduce other material. They even start through in a lot of casual racism just too keep you awake. Once Vincent shows up in drag playing his own sister I sort of started finally tuning out. 

We do however get to see lots of guys in their underwear, a chick jack off a dog and a kid who looks like a mentally deficient Harry Potter get beat almost to death. This is the movie that aims low and still can't hit the mark.

Review © Andy Copp

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