D. CHRIS SEAVER
TEMPE/ LOW BUDGET PICTURES
Chris Seaver and the LBP gang go for the gusto in thrashing the TWILIGHT Saga to produce one of the funniest movies they have unleashed in many a moon. It would probably be even funnier if I'dseen the movie they are skewering, but the jokes seem pretty straight forward and I had no problem understanding the shots that were being taken. Meredith Host takes up lead role of Stella the new girl back in town who is oh so cool because she is tragically depressed about life. In this film, she moves back in with her comically lecherous father, played by Billy Gaberina, and is reunited with her first "fingerbang" Jack (played by LBP favorite A.J. Stabone). But it's Edgar, (Kurt Indovina), who really gets her panties wet. His passive-aggressive ways, the bubbles that blow from his penis when the sun shines on him, his perfect hair. Soon she figures out that he's a vampire - a pussified vampire that doesn't drink blood and has a freak brother and sister who are sleeping together. Meanwhile, some really bad vampires are stalking the countryside looking for Edgar's limp ass, headed by Razor McBleed (Jesse Green back in the role he made famous in the movie SCROTAL VENGEANCE). You can almost see what's coming. But wait! It turns out Stella's buddy Jack is a werewolf, obsessed with Michael Jackson(!), and he may be vying for heart as well. Awww, Stella is in Love! With his bubble spewing cock!
Seaver goes out of his way to mock the listless sincerity of the TWILIGHT movie, with the pouty performances, longing stares, pale makeup, and color drained videography. One could consider the performances high camp to a degree, but I was assured that the leads are not too far off from the movie being satirized. This is a welcome return to the more fun and silly movies Seaver started out doing, like ANAL PAPRIKA and SCROTAL VENGEANCE, that had a lot less emphasis on the scatological humor and body fluid jokes. Here, there's much more situational comedy and taking the piss out of the movie they are making fun of. Not everything is a hit. The incestuous father bit misses more often than not, becoming creepy more than funny in a few places (though his mustache is good for more than a few laughs) and Stabone's Michael Jackson werewolf doesn't quite make though grade even though he puts on a mighty effort, but those are small bits in a movie that provides lots of laughs. Most welcome is Jesse Green being back, since he proved in several of Seaver's early works that he's a capable character actor who has terrific comic timing. It's very nice to see him back in Seaver's movies, doing what he does best. So, yeah, this isn't really a horror movie, and maybe it doesn't fit the Halloween horror challenge. But it has vampires, werewolves, incest, blood and all that kind of stuff, so it's close enough for me!
Review © Andy Copp