Weng Weng strikes again!

D'Wild Weng Weng (1982) ***
D. Eddie Nicart
Shocking Videos
Full Frame

 If you don’t know who Weng Weng is then you really shouldn’t be reading this blog. Weng Weng is a god among men, or at least he was when the little guy was alive. He was barely 3 feet of caged karate fury with a bowl haircut who would whoop an ass without breaking a sweat. The ladies loved him, he wore leisure suits, had rocket jet packs and tons of other gadgets. He was cool as ice before the motherfucker Vanilla hijacked the phrase. This killa from Manilla was the toast of the Philipino movie industry in the early 80’s and made a crap load of movies all based around the fact that he stood no higher than your thigh. But he was a screen presence to be reckoned with as all of us who stumbled upon For Y’ur Height Only in the bargain bins way back in the 90’s will attest. Weng Weng changed lives man. So that brings me to this adventure, one of his more obscure flicks or it was until this print started making the rounds. Here the Weng stars as a secret service agent along with his friend Mr. Gordon who are sent to Santa Monica(!) because the Mayor has been ruthlessly murdered by a bandito named Mr. Sabastian (everyone is Mr. Someone in this movie).

Weng Weng Threatens a Native American in Santa Monica(!)

From there the dynamic duo basically just keep kicking the asses of Sabastian’s men until the incredible climax. Along the way they make friends with a dude with his tongue cut out (his annoying screeching will give you a headache), a couple of babes, and a pigmy midget Indian Chief (played by the dude who played Mr. Giant in For Y’ur Height Only). Sights you will see include Weng practicing his karate shirtless, him in his mariachi outfit saradading outside a babe’s window, Weng thrown like an Olympic football into the second story of a bad guy’s lair, Weng stuffed into the monk robes of Mr. Gordon and carried around like a fetus, and Weng strung up like a turkey to bake in the sun. But the keeper are two action scenes; one about 45 minutes in and then the climax.

Fuck you Chuck Norris. Weng Weng is the REAL DEAL!

The controversial "pregnant monk" gag scene.

The middle scene is simply just Weng Weng strolling along and every time he sees a group of bad guys he whips out his gun and kills them dead. Cold blooded Charles Bronson style! He’s done fuckin around! He kills at least two dozen people in a ten minute period! For the climax I swear Sylvester Stallone had to have seen this movie before he wrote the latest Rambo film because the similarities in the climaxes are odd to say the least.

Both films have the heroes surround on all sides by the bad guys, and both films have the hero manning a huge machine gun and mowing down the invading armies. Both films then have a native people rush in and help by fighting along side, in this case the Pygmy Indians (where did they find so many midgets?). Oh shit, I forgot to talk about all the ninja’s in this thing!

Realizing this is a far better gig than the old one on the A&E lot the Pygmy Tribe makes a run for it.

Extras from a Godfrey Ho production mistakenly think Weng Weng

has their VHS residual checks. 

Mr. Sabastian employs not only traditional “Mexican” banditos but a small army of ninja’s too! While this movie is undeniably entertaining it lacks the loopy, goof-ass charm of The Impossible Kid and For Y’ur height Only where things were clearly not being taken totally seriously. Here director Eddie Nicart seems to be wanting to blend the cheapjack Fillipino action film to something akin to a Peckinpah movie. Plus the dubbing is far too serious, unlike the uproarious For Y’ur height Only. But still, this is a worth while cult addition and for Weng Weng completists it is a must have.

Weng Weng, Mr. gordon and the Tongueless wonder sing for the ladies.


Reviews © Andrew Copp

Vegas Babes Put Foot To Ass

Hell Squad (1987?)
D. Kenneth Hartford
MGM Home Video
Full Screen

When the USA is working on a new and improved version of the Neutron bomb the Middle Eastern terrorist organizations take notice. One of the American diplomats in charge of the program has a son who is morally opposed to the creation of the bomb and is pretty vocal about it. Naturally this gets him into a fight with his pops and when he angrily storms outside unguarded he is kidnapped by some wiley unnamed Arabs. Since any kind of action on the part of the United States would be considered political suicide or an act of war the diplomat puts any kind of solution into the hands of his ASSistant, who comes up with possibly the most cockamamy scheme ever. You think Iron Eagle was goofy? Check this out!

This gooftard decides to round up a troupe of spunky Las Vegas showgirls (I.E. strippers) and put them through a several week crash course of assassination training to make them super soldiers. Then send them into the Middle East (looking a lot like the outskirts of L.A.) to grab his boss’s son. And the big boss dude goes for this bullshit! They’re out of options, so they have nothing to lose!

So we get a sweet, sweat filled montage of these young ladies in tight shorts and white tank tops firing guns, running through tires and climbing walls. A drill sergeant puts them through their paces and whips them into shape and in no time they are ready to go into battle! Lots of lycra covered boobs bounce their way through basic training.

When they get there they check into the hotel and find a bathtub that is big enough to fit all nine of them, so they immediately climb in together for a hot bath, until they get their call for instructions. Then they go blow up some terrorists encampments but no son to speak of. So it's back to the bathtub. Rinse lather and repeat. Meanwhile the son is in some dark hole chained up next to a dead guy. The terrorists come in and tell him that because of the Geneva Convention they have to give him food and water and then proceed to dump the water on him and throw the food on the floor. Those EVIL bastards! Always breaking the Geneva convention! Does that sound like anyone we know?

Eventually these girls figure out they are being lead around by their tampon strings and get on the stick to finding the homeboy and blow some more shit up that looks a lot like stock footage, before heading back home to crack the case wide open. There is one fairly good stunt sequence of all of them running to get into an actual moving airplane.

The IMDB says this was made in 1987, but I just can’t believe that. I’d be shocked it it was made anywhere after 1978. It just has that feel of the late 70’s no budget potboilers like Policewoman, or Superchick that Crown International put out. 1987 is about a decade too late for that craze. By then the movies coming out to VHS were a LOT slicker than this movie is, or way more low budget (shot on tape). This is pretty low budget but still has some props, costumes, planes, jeeps, guns, and girls to take off their tops. The sight of these girls with fetish army costumes, high boots and machines guns is something to behold. As is the opening scene at which the neutron bomb has been tested and flunkies in banana suits are clearing up the charred remains of the animals they used in the blasts. They are picking up pieces of ropes or collars and saying ” Dude this used to be a dog!” “Oh man this one was a whole elephant. And now its just…gone!” I mean, that’s what a neutron bomb is supposed to do, but it doesn’t make the dialogue any less fucking goofy.

Lastly, I am amazed Quentin Tarantino hasn't leapt onto one of his coke fueled bandwagons and put the hot tracks onto remaking this thing. It's the perfect film for him to do it with. It has action, violence, politics, beautiful woman who can become empowered as the story goes by. This film is pretty much bloodless and only has a little bit of boobs. But you could remake it, go for broke and make it dead serious, hard R rated material. If he doesn’t want to do it, then fucking call me and to produce and I will direct it! I KNOW I can make a kick ass movie out of it!

Oh yeah I forgot to mention the guy who gets his face eaten off by a tiger. That was pretty cool.