HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE movie #3 ZOMBIE BABIES

ZOMBIE BABIES (2012)
D. EMMON HARDIMAN

ALTERNATIVE CINEMA

Shot On Video

I really try to not do bad reviews just for the sake of writing shitty reviews. I also tend to shy away from filmmakers working on the same budget level I have just because I don't want to be a dick to people. But sometimes shit just happens and you end up watching something like ZOMBIE BABIES.

This ultra low budget flick is about a couple of redneck idiots who decide to open a makeshift abortion clinic/slash vacation getaway. A group of inane dudes all with very pregnant girlfriends arrive and most of them get on screen coat hanger abortions. But the problem is the rednecks also have a moonshine still in the basement filled with radioactive slop that brings the fetuses back to life.

Never mind the fact this movie was already made as THE SUCKLING in the late 80's or a big plot device is lifted wholesale from REDNECK ZOMBIES. This movie fails on almost all the levels it sets out to attempt. I'm not even gonna rag on the out of focus photography, inconsistent sound and special effects where you can see the puppeteers as much as the rest of the cast. I'd let all that shit go if it was actually funny or scary or just irreverent enough to recommend. But it is none of those things. The dialogue, being performed largely by non actors, is endless and painful. The humor consists of many variants of shit being expelled onto people, and lots of sex humor that just ultimately degrades the actors and finally the audience for watching it.

I am struggling to find something positive to say, so Ruby Larocca is good as usual as is Kaylee Williams who really should choose her projects a little more in line with her talent. Shawn C. Phillips is once again on hand playing a big fat guy; sweating, exposing himself and just basically being degraded. The dude is a funny guy, I just wish he would stop letting directors make fun of him on screen.

There is a very weird pre-natal sexual vibe, running through the movie with one Zombie Baby getting his asshole licked until he shits on the dude doing it, and Ruby almost swallowing a severed baby dick that comes all over her face when she pulls it out of her mouth. The scenes are clearly aiming to be shocking, but just come off as unpleasant and a more than a bit unsavory.

Just when you think the movie is feeling like it has been on for hours and hours, they clearly run out of money when one scene cuts to comic book art to fill in the action and it mercifully ends on what should be a shock ending, but happens so fast it is meaningless.

To say I can't recommend this is an understatement.

Review © Andy Copp

HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE Day 2 THIRST (2009)

Last night I unofficially launched my Halloween Horror Challenge with the couple of HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR episodes I watched. Tonight is the first feature film in the challenge this year. And yes I am fully aware that I am a week ahead of schedule, but I want to try to get as many in as possible this year.

THIRST (2009)
D. PARK CHAN WOOK

FIRST LOOK PICTURES

2.35

This very quirky vampire comedy is a strange creature indeed. Coming from the director of OLDBOY one expects it to be left of center. But this films throws the compass out entirely to find its own unnatural bio-rhythms.

Kang Ho-Song stars as a priest named Sang Hyeon, who chooses to go to a secluded hospital to be part of an experiment to help cure a deadly disease called EV. In doing so he understands he takes the risk of dying from the communicable virus. But during the process he ends up with something worse. He becomes a vampire, but yet is still carrying the disease as well. He becomes a martyr figure to all those suffering from fatal afflictions, all of whom ask him to pray over them in hopes of a cure. They even camp out in tents like an I-Phone sale in hopes of him laying on of hands. Working the hospital he meets a family he spent a lot of time with when he was an orphan child. Because the eldest boy Kang Wu ( Ha-Kyun Shin) has what appears to be cancer. Sang ends up living with the family and falling into a torrid affair with Kang Wu's wife (and former adopted sister) Tea-Ju (a blistering performance by Ok-Bin Kim). Soon there is murder being plotted and more characters entering the Living Dead fold.

While this is a vampire film, and therefor already part of a VERY tired sub-genre, there is NOTHING normal about THIRST. Tonally it is a bizarre and quite gory black comedy. But under the surface it is thematically about poison relationships, weather they be between couples or even one's relationship with God. The vampirism is treated much more like a medical virus that brings out the worst in each character. Making them MORE of what they already are. Sang-Hyeon is a gentle God fearing man at the start and slowly, almost against his will becomes a monster who will kill to satiate his lusts. Tea-Ju on the other hand takes to being a monster quite easily, lying, cheating and ultimately killing, a lot, to meet her new needs. 

But even with all the heavy thematic elements the film still succeeds at being funny and scary too. It never tries to be a knock you out scare fest. Instead the movie is a slowly creeping up kind of nasty scare that candy coats the bullet with quirky humor.

A great change of pace horror film for those looking for something quite a bit different.

Review © Andrew Copp

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR Take 1

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR (1980)

D. VARIOUS
SYNAPSE FILMS

Full Frame

This TV series from Britain is finally making it's debut stateside with all of the footage intact. All appearances in the U.S. were shortened and had the naughty bits cut for broadcast. There are thirteen episodes all with different casts and directors. I will review them as I actually watch them.

The first episode is called WITCHING TIME and deals with madness and a modern day incarnation of a witch. A man in his thirties who scores horror films for a living suspects (rightly so) that his wife is having an affair. One evening while she is away boning the local doctor a freak storm happens and our hero finds a red-headed woman asleep in the stable. She claims to be a witch from the sixteen hundreds. Soon she is turning his already messed up life into a mockery. He calls his friend the Doctor for help but it only convinces the both of them he is losing his shit. Soon the witch has seduced him and claimed him as her own. Just in time for his wife to come back around out of concern. Then things get really weird for everyone.

The lead character is a whiny little goofball, making it hard to be too concerned with him. But the fact that both the wife and her lover are concerned about him and try to do what they can to help is a nice touch. Instead of the wife and lover teaming up to kill the husband, then spend a great deal of time trying to help his disturbed frame of mind. It is a nice sideways look at a typical situation for these kinds of films. The finale gets a little silly as fire, water and voodoo dolls all come into the mix. But over all it is a fun, if a bit silly, entrance into the show.

The next episode is called THE THIRTEENTH REUNION and is directed by Hammer stalwart Peter Sasdy. This entry deals with a reporter for the local women's magazine who is assigned a story on the local weight loss guru. She meets and almost falls for a heavy guy who takes a pill he was given from the Guru and goes batshit crazy driving off the road and into a tree. She teams up with an amateur sleuth and they investigate the killing. They soon discover there is something much more sinister than just weight loss going on. Think a modern, somewhat higher tech BURKE AND HARE.With some implied cannibalism thrown in for good measure.

An early scene in this episode involves the Guru leading a group therapy session, Here he berates a middle aged, heavy set women for her weight problem, screaming at her that she is “fat and disgusting” and how her husband could never want to be around “Such a fat cow” like her. While the show spends most of the time being a fairly straight forward horror/thriller piece it never hits the repellant heights of this disturbing scene again. It is cruel, unpleasant and downright upsetting to watch. You REALLY want to see him get some sort of comeuppance before the piece is over.

These first two episodes are vastly different from each other in approach and content. I am quite interested to see how the other eleven play out.

Review © Andrew Copp

The future still kind of sucks...

CLASS OF 1999 (1989)
D. MARK LESTER
Artisan
Full Frame (Park of the Lions Gate Horror 8 movie Multi-pack)


Quite of a few years after the success of CLASS OF 1984 director Mark Lester went back to high school to make this much more science-fiction tinged psuedo sequel. Taking a lot of ques from the then recent hits ROBOCOP and THE TERMINATOR, lester ramps up the action and special effects to create a goofy, but very satisfying afternoon time waster. 

The film opens in the title year (that seemed far off in 1989); youth gangs have run rampant in society. With violence so bad that whole pieces of the cities have been related to "no-reply zones" by the cops, leaving the gangs to rule as they see fit. But one high school is trying to not take it lying down and team up with government corporation to use "experimental" teachers (John Vernon, Patrick Kilpatric, and Pam Grier). Actually combat mode androids that are more bloodthirsty than the kids they are fighting. Our hero Cody, played by Bradley Gregg is a kid just getter of of jail and trying to go back to school. But his friends in the gang all consider him a sell out, the rival gang want to kill him, his little brother is joining the gang and best friend is a junked up dope addict looking for a bad way out. He has also fallen for the pretty daughter (Traci Lind who later dropped the "D" from her name to be just Traci Lin) of the principal (Maclom Macdowell). But all of that will become back burner material when he runs afoul of the Teaching Droids who have started their own very violent programming.

The movie is primarily an action flick with several well mounted shootouts, fist fights, car crash and the F/X heavy finale where the androids dispose of their limbs to have heavy artillery hiding within. The finale has these heavily armed robots fighting the teenage gangs on motorcycles in the hall of the school.  Their is some impressive explosions, motorcycle stunts and some really splashy gore including one teen who is literally torn in half.

When I saw this in the theater in the fall of 1989 I had a lot of fun with it, enjoying the stunts and grue. Watching it now, over twenty years later it is amusing how dated the film feels due to the costumes, language and special effects. It was still kind of low rent back then, but pretty impressive for the really tight budget. Now it is hard to look past Bradley Greg's Half jacket that no self respecting gay club kid would wear. Or Stacey Keach (who plays the man behind the cyborgs) and his white rat-tail buzz cut. The movie becomes a bit more campy than I am sure was intended. Though a lot of it is INTENTIONALLY campy. 

This was out as a stand alone DVD, but I never got to see that. This review is taken from the Lions Gate 8 film horror pack that also included GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE, CHUD 2, 976-EVIL 2, WAXWORK, THE UNHOLY and SLAUGHTER HIGH.

Review © Andrew Copp

STRIP MAHJONG: NAKED JAPANESE WOMEN...

STRIP MAHJONG: BATTLE ROYALE (2012)
D. Mark P. Forever ???
DANGER AFTER DARK
1.78 Anamorphic Widescreen

This piece of sexy fluff from Japan is almost criticism proof. Watching the title STRIP MAHJONG you really only want one thing, attractive girls playing the strip game, and it delivers that in abundance. The movie scores extra points by sneaking in some extra kink value along the way. But ultimately it is not too different from a nudie cutie you would have seen from H.G. Lewis or Dave Friedman many years ago. Meaning it is serviceable and fun but there is nothing really new on display.

The wisp of a plot deals with an underground broadcast of the title gameshow. They kidnap four women, all of whom have sinned in someway to make them "bad people". The ladies include a former pop star who clearly fucked her way to her position, a young wife married to a Yakuza who is holding some kinky secrets, a ruthless lawyer (also the sexiest of the group by a long shot) and finally our hero a normal young lady who got in too deep betting for online Mahjong (trying to settle a debt for her best friend). They then have to play the very complicated game and as each wins or loses cards are given that tell the players what items of clothing to lose. 

But the host of the show, a loud goofy fucktard and his S+M masked (but otherwise nearly naked) assistant get to strip the girls themselves. Which to leads to several really silly scenes of the dude pulling off bras with fishing poles of blowing them off with an exploding balloon. Though he does whip the ass of the wife until she confesses her transgressions in one of the only genuinely hot scenes of the movie. 

The first lady to lose her clothes is the sexy Lawyer. Unfortunately one of the items she loses is her glasses which was one of the things that made her so damn sexy. But she spends most of the movie topless which is A-OK too. The girls realize they are playing for more than lost clothes and the occasional grope when the lawyer is killed for losing the game. Thus upping the stakes for all of them.

They all end up losing one by one until all of them have gotten naked and had a little show of some sort. Which leads to a high stakes final round with the other co-host, a Lolita looking nymph who cheats her way through the game. 

If you want to see naked Japanese girls, a little bit of kink and a lot of flat comedy you could do much much worse than this. It is an inconsequential little flick, but diverting enough for those who know what they like. 

The DVD is extraless except for a handful of other DANGER AFTER DARK trailers. 
 
REVIEW © Andrew Copp

Analogue spookiness!

V/H/S/ (2012)
D. Adam Wingard, David Bruckner, Ti West, Glenn McQuaid, Joe Swanberg, Radio Silence

Magnolia Releasing
1.78

V/H/S/ is the hot ticket item on the horror circuit right now, with tons of advance buzz on how scary it is and how it has revitalized both the “found footage” sub-genre and anthology movies. Too bad neither statement is true. V/H/S/ works in fits and starts at best and at worst is horribly annoying and extremely hard to get through.

The idea is that eight up and coming directors all delivered a segment, which accounts for the disparity of quality. The wrap-around segment is directed by Adam Wingaurd who has done some quality work with A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE. The story here sets the mood for why we are seeing the rest of the stories. A handful of petty criminals are out and about assaulting women and video taping it. But they discover that an old man has some specific tape that if they steal it could net them some cash. So they break into the old coot's house to discover him dead and a massive VHS tape collection they have to sift through. Spookiness abounds.

The first REAL story is called AMATEUR NIGHT and is directed by David Bruckner. Once again we are given lead characters who think that sexually abusing women is a fun night out. Here is is a group of college assholes who are partying and eventually bring some girls back to a hotel. The gyst is that they are video taping their escapades. Naturally one of the girls turns out to be more than she seems. Thankfully the monster design is really good and it goes a couple steps further than the rote premise originally suggests.

The next segment is directed by indie horror wunderkind Ti West who is most known for his quiet horror films HOUSE OF THE DEVIL and THE INNKEEPERS. Here he feels hampered by the found footage format. The piece is called SECOND HONEYMOON and follows a couple as they goof off traveling. The two only creepy moments the piece offered are things that have been done better by other filmmakers like NEIL MARSHALL and DAVID LYNCH. One scene has the couple at what appears to be the Grand Canyon and the dude momentarily vanishes over the edge. The other scene is someone grabbing their camera and video taping them while sleep, a moment done better in LOST HIGHWAY. But the final reveal is so lame and not scary that you want to throw something at the screen.

Next up is TUESDAY THE 17^th directed by Glen McQuaid and is the first glimpse that the film has something more to offer. It isn't great by any means but it at least a little more interesting and scary. The segment follows yet another croup of annoying college age idiots as they go on a camping trip. Naturally it turns out a killer whacked a bunch of people in the woods and the video camera they have brought along can see the killer. Albeit in glitchy, analogue feedback. The problem here is that the characters are unsympathetic and annoying, but the set up has a some spookiness to it and it is easily the most violent of all the segments.

Next is the best one of the bunch, directed by Joe Swanberg, he takes an interesting approach by having the entire segment shot through a computer's webcam as the characters videochat. The segment is called THE SICK THING THAT HAPPENED TO EMILY WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER and deals with how Emily is being haunted in her new apartment and her boyfriend bares witness to it as is escalates. The handling of the material is above average for this film, but what makes this segment really good is the writing. It does NOT go where you think it is going and therefore delivers some genuine tension and shocks.

Finally we have the last segment called 10/31/98 directed by Radio Silence. From the title you can gather the segment takes place on Halloween night as (yet another) group of college males are on their way to a party. But when they get there it turns out the house is abandoned except for a girl being sacrificed by some hooded figures. As they try to escape the house explodes with supernatural activity that is actually fairly frightening.

VHS Styled fan art for the film.

The last two segments are actually very good, and the third one is passable. The others are sub-par to just plain bad. When watching an anthology movie you expect one or two of the segments to be below average but this movie adds insult to injury by making it in the found footage format, so the flaws in content are highlighted by the eye straining videography and direction.

This is clearly a case of hype carrying the movie along. Worth a look for the last two segments, but it certainly is not as good as you have heard. 

Review © Andrew Copp

Why Can't These Ladies Stay Out Of Prison?

TRUE STORY OF A WOMAN IN JAIL CONTINUES (1975)
D. KOYU OHARA

SYNAPSE/ IMPULSE PICTURES

2.35

This sequel to Nikkatsu's TRUE STORY OF A WOMAN IN JAIL is really just more of the same. Hijinks in a woman's prison, with plenty of bare skin, some sex and a healthy dose of unpleasant violence to keep things moving. And a really funky score too.

The movie is structurally the same as its predecessor. A group of young women enter the prison, emotionally unprepared for the violence and struggle ahead of them. They are immediately sexually abused by the other inmates. But lucky for them MAYUMI is out of solitary confinement. Mayumi does not suffer fools lightly and starts several extended fights to protect the young fish in the tank. Soon we see there is more going on here than just rehabilitation. A guard takes photos as the gang sexually assault the fresh meat, a young girl wanted for shop lifting. These photos play a large role in forcing her to be sold to the Yakuza and become a prostitute. Meanwhile back inside the prison Mayumi has managed to gain some respect and through flashbacks we learn that she killed a man who raped her and her mother in a field. But will she go on a killing spree again?

Like all the Nikkatsu films this is exceedingly well made, it is no slouch of a production. But it feels unfocused and messy sometimes as the narrative switches back to her past and the sins Mayumi is responsible for. The whole rape flashback feels awkward because we are not too sure the characters we are seeing. Her mother and the guys make an appearance later in the film though.

There is plenty to recommend though, including a side plot about the transsexual inmate, or how the head guard gets another girl pregnant, leading to a violent forced miscarriage. There is a nude catfight in the baths that is sure to put a smile on the face of any sleaze fan as well.

TRUE STORY OF A WOMAN IN JAIL CONTINUES is worthwhile, but not groundbreaking like some of the other Nikkatsu titles Synapse/Impulse has released so far. The movie gets in there and is very functional, with sex scenes every five or ten minute, punctuating that with violence. It is a fun movie but not the peak of the Nikkatsu releases. 

Review © Andrew Copp