You are going the WRONG WAY!!!

 Day nine of the September Exploitation Challenge takes me way down the wrong path!!!

WRONG WAY (1972)
D. Ray Williams
Not on DVD
16mm Full Frame

This no budget, 70’s LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT rip off is some sort of wonder to behold. Disgusting beyond belief, if only for the truly nasty people on display and the complete lack of moral compass on the part of the filmmakers. The movie seems to exist in a climate where the filmmakers saw Wes Craven’s film and thought to themselves “Hell we can do that, but who the hell needs all that moralizing crap! Let’s just add more sex and crotch shots!” Then they realized they only had fifty bucks to make the whole movie with.

The movie begins with a group of the perhaps scuzziest criminals in Grindhouse history laying around in the woods waiting on a drug buy. They complain incessantly about how it has been days since they have had any pills or grass. One thug who we learn is named “Crabs” (because he is scratching his nuts all the time and apparently has the nasty crotch critters) is particularly upset. He complains to another cohort that he got those crabs from letting his buddy “suck him off!’ 

"Only reason I got crabs is cause I let you SUCK ME OFF!" 

Meanwhile two pretty girls get caught going the WRONG WAY (!!!) and their car breaks down and two of the thugs trick them into getting into their jeep and heading back to the camp where these dirt balls are waiting. The bikers making the drug delivery. One of them sucks down raw eggs so his “love torpedoes can have full blast”. The main thug is thrilled to finally gets to roll a joint and has a hilarious hallucination once he smokes up consisting of a naked woman in a military beret and dreams of a winning hand of cards! All the dudes are happy to get their hands on the nubile young girls for a day of sexing on the dirt roads. 

 "On no! The car is broke down! We better get into some more comfortable walking clothes!"

But when the bikers discover the girls are there against their free will, they actually take a stand - “We thought those where your old ladies. We are in for any kidnapping and rape charges. You gotta let them go.” But out comes a shotgun and the bikers get on their motorcycles and ride off like little kids who just got scolded for playing on some-one's lawn.

"This is the kind of Hallucinations you see when you smoke really primo pot, according to this film." 

Then proceeds the twelve minute long rape scene. A scene that would be offensive if it was actually done well. Instead it is handled so poorly you can’t help but notice nasty details like the fact the guy playing Crabs hasn’t wiped his ass since he was seven years old and his entire butt is now stained bright green. Seriously, we are talking Green Giant ass here. Or that the hippie red head seams more interested in running around and touching the asses of his buddies than doing anything to the girls.  even worse is the tenth rate Bob Dylan tune that plays not once but twice over the scene trying hopelessly to ape the David Hess folk rock from LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. What IS effective however is the poor girls reactions to being ground on by these nasty, grungy post hippy thugs who really do look like they just got out of prison.  The takes go on forever and these actresses have to endure the constant grinding of each of this dirtbags from every angle and position. The whole thing is very disgusting and dirty. When they are done with the gang rape they just leave the girls on the road and take off, never to be seen again!

 "It is really horrible enough to get gang raped by these greaseball thugs. But to have one have them has a green stained ass just makes it the worst experience ever."

Meanwhile one of the girl’s father has called the police and a search party has started. Even a helicopter is looking for them. I suspect that is the case because A) someone the filmmakers knew had a chopper or B) they had stock footage of a chopper they could use (I suspect B is the case). But the cops are making very little ground. 


The girls go looking for help, stopping at a stream to was their ravaged vagina's. Naturally this calls for loving close ups. They hear people and investigate hoping to find help but instead find ANOTHER group of hippy criminals! This is where the movie takes a sharp turn away from being a LAST HOUSE rip off and into it’s own weird little territory. Seems these Hippies are some sort of Manson-esque cult and they have just killed a man. The girls has stumbled on his burial (including a two year old helping dig the grave, a nice touch!) and now this cult is pissed at them too. The cult leader decides they must join the cult and become their sex slaves and have their “will and egos broken”!

 "Hey you, over there! Why is your ass all green?"

Then the movie gets REALLY weird! Suddenly we meet two older men and a really cute dark haired girl they take into a shack out in the border town this is all happening in. they explain to her they are going to take her to Mexico and sell her for Heroin. Who the fuck are these people? They try to rape her, but since she is now a junkie she relents and loves it?!?!?! The chopper sees this and suddenly the plot is now about these guys!

 "Who the fuck are THESE GUYS?"

*SPOILERS*
The cops get a call on the radio in which we are told the police found the two girls. We get two or three brief shots of a shoot out in which one of the cult members is shot in the balls and we see them trying to rape the girls yet again. All in all the shots last about twenty seconds. The rest is recounted in voice over. The girls were found and are back home! Now the movie shifts gears to this secondary plot about the kidnappers and heroin dealers!


It is almost like some weird shit happened and that portion of the cast said FUCK YOU and refused to finish the movie. Considering the on screen treatment of the girls in the early rape scenes, and that it looked like they were going to have to do a bunch more, I am willing to bet that is EXACTLY what happened. That they just had enough and so the movie had to be rewritten hastily with what was there. It all ends with a cops confronting the heroin dealers/ kidnappers confrontation. 

 "You've defiled us, made us see the green ass guy and join a cult. We've had enough. We QUIT this Goddamn movie!"

This is one of the sleaziest and weirdest Grindhouse exploitation movies I have seen in many a moon. Directed in long takes like storefront porn, shot almost entirely outside in the woods, and cast with people who do not look like actors but seem to really be the parts they are on screen. This is nasty ass, low brown cinema at its most ghetto. I cannot imagine the audience this was meant for or where it even played. But I would have loved to have been there to see them. But something tells me they would have been so stones they would have barely noticed the movie at all. 

Review © Andy Copp

Man that was a LOW BLOW!!!!

LOW BLOW (1986)
D. Frank Harris
BCI/ NAVARRO
1.85

Part of the Maximum Action 10 pack (now out of print)

Before reading the excellent one two punch books GODS IN POLYESTER and GODS IN SPANDEX I had never heard of Leo Fong. I had maybe seen his name here and there, but never knew who he was. But after reading his recollections of making kung fu styled action films with pennies on the dollar I fond myself really fond of the guy and had to find some of his films. Then after checking out the movie movie WILD RIDERS in one of the BCI DRIVE IN CULT CLASSICS packs there was a trailer for LOW BLOW and I was completely sold. My girlfriend and I HAD to see this movie! We become more than a little bit obsessed with seeing our first Leo Fong movie. I almost didn't get to as the MAXIMUM ACTION set that I found on Ebay never came and after a little research I found that it was out of print. I sent some emails to the company I ordered it from explaining that I NEEDED my Leo Fong fix! That I would not be a complete cult film fan until I got Leo Fong into my life! And they came through, in some dusty corner of the DVD warehouse, hiding under a million copies of GIRLS GONE WILD THE CATHOLIC YEARS was one last copy of MAXIMUM ACTION with not one but TWO Leo Fong movies in the set. Joy was about to set in my peoples!!!


We were not disappointed at all. Within five minutes of the opening of LOW BLOW it had lived up to the what we had expected. The movie hits the ground running, not unlike the vastly inferior LETHAL WEAPON 2 with the action already in progress. A thugs are robbing a coffee shop, roughing up the patrons and generally being loud pricks. The next building over is the office of tough guy Private Investigator Joe Wong (played by our hero Leo Fong) who is aggravated by the noise and ruckus. He throws on his members only jacket and tells his pretty and perky secretary "I'm gonna go see what all the noise is about!" Within two minutes those trouble makers are eating the floor with much foot being put to ass, and Mr. Wong has barely broke a sweat at all. But low and behold some nasty bastards are taking some old ladies purse outside, so they are gonna have to be taught a lesson too! But it is all in a day's work for Mr. Wong. Ass kicking is a way of life! He also has a comic relief car that only he can start by popping the hood and whacking it with a tire iron.Leo Fong's screen presence is a strange one at best, with his pinched up face that consistently looks like someone in the room has just farted, and stiff walk like he may flip out at any second. He's wound tighter than the rubber bands holding the roll of twenty's that was the budget of this flick. His line delivery, all ten of them, is fast, and to the point. Like lines are just a waste of time to get to some ass kicking. He might very well hop out of the screen and punch you at any moment.

The plot finally kicks in when a blond California bimbo is being indoctrinated into some Johnstown styled cult run by a blind Cameron Mitchell and his African Princess named Karma (played by respected black actress Akosua Busia, who actually gives a great performance here). It is never really explained what the cult is actually doing, but it is all about love, enlightenment, and digging in the fields all damn day long. At one point it is revealed they are planting, wait for it, asparagus! Evil bastards!!! Seems the bimbo is the daughter of a rich industrialist played by Troy Donahue and he wants his little girl back. After witnessing Mr. Wong whopping the ass of some Latino's who were trying to steal his hub caps he decides that Wong is the man for the job!

But wait! After some shenanigans in the camp where Mr. Wong gets mildly roughed up (and Karma is clearly enjoying herself, because her nipples clearly get hard after every bit of torture she inflicts on Mr. Wong!) he decides he cannot do this alone. So he holds a tough man contest to find some teammates to help him infiltrate the compound and get the now drugged and wigged out babe to safety. So now it is THE DIRTY DOZEN street style!

Weird thing about this movie is that it is almost family friendly in some ways. The violence (outside of one nasty head squishing) is mostly hand to hand combat kung fu stuff. The gun play is very toned down. There is no bad language or sex to speak of at all. Watching it you can't help but to feel like Leo Fong was trying to appeal as wide a base as possible. And make no mistake, this is Leo Fong's show. He wrote, produced and starred in this bad boy. He raised the financing and made it happen.

There's tons of weird moments to recommend here, like several of Karma's freak outs, the bad guy who gets thrown into a pile of cute puppies who proceed to lick his unconscious body, Leo Fong's attempts at breakfast table comedy, the REALLY out of place macho bonding casual racism that will make you uncomfortable, the muscle bound blond pit fighter chick, that head squishing i previously mentioned, or the incredible compilation worthy action scene were Fong chases four bad guys into their car. He gets so pissed he rips the cables out of the engine, beat the CAR up, smashes all the windows out with a two by four and then buzz saws the top of the car itself off just to kick them all in the ass and send them on their way! Truly it is one of the most amazing scenes I have ever seen in an action film!

So before Seagal, before Van Damme, there was Leo Fong! And he did it for the among of money those guys spent on hair stylists.

Leo Fong, APPROVED!!!

Andy Copp

What will you see if you transcend?

MARTYRS (2008)
D. PASCAL LAUGIER
Wild Bunch (Production Company)
1.85

Genre tongue waggers are calling this one this year's answer to INSIDE because it is French, gory as hell, and uncompromising. While I liked INSIDE to a certain degree I also think this movie is far better written than that one with a good deal more on its mind. A lot of genre critics are accusing this current wave of French horror directors of a game of gruesome one up man ship as it seems each film from the land of golden fries takes the gore and brutality up a couple of notches than the one before it. But to say that ignores that each film has had their own distinct feel and approach to the genre. All of them may be gory and aggressive, with a lot of bad attitude, but they each have different things going on as well. With that said this one may be the richest in depth and story of the group I have seen (INSIDE, FRONTIER(S) and now MARTYRS, I still need to see MALEFIQUE).

The film opens suddenly with a young just barely preteen girl running out of a building. She is in her underwear, filthy, bloody, her head shaved almost down to the scalp. She is bruised and clearly hurt and has been held captive. We can hear a commotion inside the building she is running out of, but she hits the sidewalk running for her life. During the opening credits we learn what has happened to her as we get a super 8 police file footage of the crime scene investigation. She was being held captive in a small room, chained to a wall with enough length to slightly move around. She had one chair to sit in, that had a hole cut in the center so she could use the bathroom in the bucket below it. She was not sexually abused in anyway, but was clearly beaten repeatedly, and malnourished over the extended time she was held captive. Otherwise the girl is not talking. We also see file footage of her in the mental asylum she has been taken to, where doctors and other children cannot get through to her. They eventually get out of her that her name is Lucie and she makes friends with another girl there named Anna and they bond. After the credits Anna is being asked by the hospital staff and police to help them get through to Lucie to find out if she can help them find who was holding her captive. Anna says Lucie doesn't know, that she never really saw them. Later than evening Anna finds Lucie in their room with deep slashes on her arms, and she begs Anna not to tell anyone. She claims she did not do it to herself. That night we see a very twisted, old, naked, female shape crawling around the floor of the girl's room and hovering over Lucie's bed and Lucie clearly sees it too. Cut to black.

Then we meet a nice suburban family, two teenagers, a boy and girl, fighting over a love note. Dad trying to get them to settle down while he gets ready for the day and Mom working in the garden digging a dead mouse out of a pipe. The family basically gangs up on the boy because he is failing out of school and wants to move in with his girlfriend, who no one really likes. Apparently she wants to come by later and the family isn't too hip to that idea either. It is clear this family is going to play into the movie ahead in an integral way.

To go any further with a plot description will only go into spoiler territory that should NOT be discussed when seeing this film. I went in blind and was knocked senseless and so should you. Suffice to say that it does NOT go anywhere you are expecting it to. One plot element does play out in a way you sort of expect it to, but then that almost leads you to think the rest of the film will play out a certain way, and then it just steadfastly refuses to play by the rules from that point on. In fact this is a movie that just throws the rules right out the window and makes them up anew as it goes. This is sure to piss people off and annoy the shit out of some viewers. Other viewers my become bored at some points of the film as it certainly tries your patience at times. But the film is rich with rewards for those who stick with it. There is psychological and theological meat to chew on for quite some time after the film has ended if you choose to look at it closely enough. But to discuss any of this I have to talk about some spoilers. So if you have not seen the films. QUIT READING NOW. Come back after you have seen it.


The first half of the film is relatively straight forward revenge fueled splatter with Lucie all grown up killing the people who tortured her as a kid. But Lucie herself is being tortured mentally by the woman she didn't have the heart to save when she escaped. So in fact Lucie has continued to the torture started by the cult well after she escaped from them. They instilled the psychological steps, but she continued it all these years later. The question being, if she had not escaped, would she have died or became a martyr? Anna on the other hand once she experiences her friend (that she clearly loves) dying, she symbolically starts the process of saving not only Lucie but the old woman Lucie could never save. When she discovers the woman in the basement/laboratory she doesn't hesitate to free her, care for her, take off her shackles and face mask. She does everything to free this woman from her bondage. Something she never really could do for her friend. Nor that her friend could ever do originally either. And unfortunately not for this woman ultimately.

Once the cult arrive in the movie it takes a sharp right turn. Pacing wise this is very, very jarring as the first half had been very fast, incredibly violent and visceral. Now suddenly we are thrust into this philosophically based interpersonal torture and debasement session that is repetitious to the extreme. The friends I watched it with were evenly split down the middle. Half saying it was horrifying and effective as showing how the psychological torture and breaking down of the psyche worked, the other half being bored at the repetition and not empathizing with Anna's plight. I think most American audiences are going to go with the latter half of my friends who tuned out as it is at first grueling but most audiences are going to miss the point of the repetition, or just not care. thus throwing themselves out for the rest of the movie, which is near brilliance.

The last third is even more brutal as Anna is skinned alive and left to hang. But she finally hits the point of transcendence where she crosses over into life after death without dying. (clearly modeled after the photo they show in the film from the book TEARS OF EROS) She becomes a Martyr and manages to come back and tell the old lady who runs the cult what she saw. We the viewer don't know what she said though. Once the cult is gathered to hear what was said, the old lady sequesters herself away and shoots herself before telling anyone.

In the annals of pure nihilism, that ending has got to be close to the top. We've experienced true horror for this lead character. Horror that is not fake, not in her mind, not supernatural. Things that are actually occurring with the whole point being that she will hit a point of transcending the pain and suffering and basically see god, or something on the other side. But the down side to that is that since she is not dead, she comes back. She is stuck in the state of horror and disrepair these people have put her in to get her to that point. She seems to not be suffering after her Martyrdom, but who is to say that will last? The ultimate irony is that it really was for naught as the leader of the cult became selfish and capped herself once she had the knowledge of what awaited her. This girl's suffering was meaningless and just a tool. Every one's suffering was meaningless and just a tool to her own salvation.

Now apply that to just about any religion that has martyrdom as part of their doctrine...

Not an easy film to embrace. Not an easy film to watch or even like at times. But the more I think about it, the more brilliant it becomes.

Naturally Hollywood is remaking it. I simply cannot see how they can do this. Even if I was okay with the idea, and I am NOT, I cannot see how the story can be pared down, sanitized, and made user friendly for US audiences. But then again FUNNY GAMES was remade pretty much frame for frame, so I guess anything is possible.



Andy Copp