HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE Movie #28 - SHEITAN

SHEITAN (2006) aka SATAN
D. KIM CHAPIRION
TARTAN VIDEO
1.78


I should have known better when I realized the title of this movie could be pronounced "SHIT ON" and that is pretty much how I felt by the time it was over. Like someone had come into my house and took a big old flaming shit on my TV. This is so far the worst movie I have watched for this challenge and that says a LOT after the fecal feast that was ZOMBIE BABIES!

From the opening frames I knew I was on the last train to shitsville when far too much screen time is given to a sweaty, grotesque D.J. in a hipster club. One of those typical movie hip types where the guy is fat to be funny, and white but doing Hip Hop there for being ironic. I wanted to kick the guy in the balls the moment I saw him. Then we meet our actual characters a group of asshats to unlikable you wish the movie would take a sharp turn into MIDNIGHT EXPRESS and give these imbeciles a good run for their money.

 

"Come on little lamb. I'm taking you and getting out of this shitty movie!"

So this group of club kids (ethnically diverse though, one black guy, a Turkish girl, an Asian skinhead and the B-Boy white motherfucker that needs his teeth kicked out) decide to go to the one babe's family home for some R&R. Along the way they meet a semi-retarded goat herder play by a slumming Vincent Cassell in a performance that makes BORAT look subdued and understated. You know he is supposed to be hill people because he has big fake crooked teeth in. He spends the movie trying to emotionally seduce the emotionally barren kids for reasons that are never all that clear. After 50 some minutes of the movie which is mostly the kids trying to be cool and fucking around, or Vincent chewing scenery it starts trying to introduce other material. They even start through in a lot of casual racism just too keep you awake. Once Vincent shows up in drag playing his own sister I sort of started finally tuning out. 

We do however get to see lots of guys in their underwear, a chick jack off a dog and a kid who looks like a mentally deficient Harry Potter get beat almost to death. This is the movie that aims low and still can't hit the mark.

Review © Andy Copp

HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE Movie #27 - DEADLY BLESSING (1981)

DEADLY BLESSING (1981)
D. WES CRAVEN
AVCO EMBASSY
1.33 (Netflix)

Surprisingly enough I had never seen this extremely mild Wes Craven shocker. Everyone remembers the infamous cover art of a busty woman with a spider dropping into her mouth. But for reasons I do not know I never bothered with the movie. I suppose I had heard it was too tame or not very good and just passed it over for meatier fare. Now that I have seen it, I can safely say the film IS too tame for it's own good, but there is some god stuff to offer anyway. 

Maren Jensen stars as a young, pregnant woman living in Mennonite country. The late, great Earnest Borgnine stars as the head of the local chapter of the Mennonite's who disprove of her and her husband (who is also Borgnine's fallen away son).  Michael Berryman is the semi retarded guy living with the Mennonites who chases around anyone who he thinks are evil, including the teenage artist who lives in a farm down the way. In fact he is constantly harassing her, calling her an Incubus and the whore of the devil. The husband is found killed, so our heroine calls in two former her girlfriends to stay with her for moral support including a very young Sharon Stone and Susan Buckner. Soon all three women are being tormented by things like snakes in the bathtub and spiders. 

This is certainly not the first film written and directed by Craven that attacks religious structures and family values. Three fourths of the film make the Mennonites out to be the bad guys. Their repression being the true root of the evil they are so terrified of. But the movie takes a turn in the final reel, delivering us information that was previously not revealed which changes everything. This final bit of action, though nothing new all there years later is certainly groundbreaking for 1981. It really makes the movie feel like there are layers there that very well may not be.

Not a groundbreaking film, too slow moving and staid for it's own good, but still worth a look. Especially for fans of the troubled creator. Rumor has it that Sharon Stone was having an affair with the director's wife during production. But that is certainly not verifiable. 

Review © Andrew Copp

FEMALE TEACHER: DIRTY AFTERNOON (1981)

FEMALE TEACHER: DIRTY AFTERNOON (1981)
D. Ketchitaro Negishi
IMPULSE PICTURES/SYNAPSE FILMS
2.35-1
Anamorphic

Number eight in the Nikkatsu Erotic Films Collection from Impulse pictures treads on the potentially hazardous "horny teacher" sub genre with quite unexpected results. What appears to be a simple, and pretty normal, sexploiter ends up being something altogether more serious.

A High School Teacher named Sakiko (Yuki Kazamatsuri) gets a call during sex from the police station. One of her students is in big trouble. She heads down to find waifish Sueko (Ayako Ota) being held for prostitution. They have a frank conversation as to why Sueko likes sleeping with strangers and part ways. But Sakiko begins to care for the girl and does some research on her backgroud, when she isn't nailing her own boyfriend that is. But in digging up the past, some memories that she would prefer to be buried come to the surface. Sakiko remembers being raped at a construction site by a guy with paint thinner on him (from huffing it). She begins to obsess over the rape and how it has affected her current, somewhat loveless relationships.

SPOILERS AHEAD

But Sakiko discovers that the person she fingered for the rape and had put away is most likely NOT the person who did it. Seems someone else was raped after this man when to jail for a short while. She also discovers the person whom she did put away is Sueko's disabled father.  Soon a bond forms between the woman and the Father as he slowly goes crazy. 

Though the plot line is undeniably sleazy, the film itself, especially for a Nikkatsu Roman Porno title, is very restrained. There is a lot of nudity and sex, as to be expected, but as the movie rolls forward it becomes more and more of a straight drama. The rape angle is just there as a plot device and soon put to the wayside so the story of this crazy old man and his new female friend can unfold. It really is a cross generation love story based in guilt and shame. 

As to be expected with these Synapse produced discs, the picture and subtitles are impeccable. There is some useful liner notes from our friend Jasper Sharpe as well. 

Review © Andrew Copp
 

HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE movie #26 - ADAM CHAPLIN

ADAM CHAPLIN (2010)
D. EMANUELLE DE SANTI
AUTONOMY PICTURES /NECROSTORM FILMS
1.78 HD

This is Italian language, low budget gorefest is pretty damned impressive. Sure the story lack in a few areas, and there is zero characterization on board for most of the leads. But it makes up for the faults with boatloads of style, and more bloodshed than any recent movie I can name. It is like a LOONY TUNES movie with action and gore effects. 

Writer, Producer and Director Emanuelle De Santi stars as the title character. A musclebound brute of a man (who has no past) who is avenging the death of his girlfriend. His girl was killed my monster/mutant/gangster Derek -Giulio De Santi (all the characters have deceivingly normal names)  when she was late with money owed to him. Derek and his two sons set her on fire in a convincingly unpleasant sequence. The opening credits roll over her being wheeled into the hospital and worked on, her entire body one crisp and molten wad of skin. 

So Adam has not quite willingly called up a Demon that lives inside his back that helps drive him to find revenge. This demon also has given him supernatural powers that make him able to do things like punch a guy so hard he breaks though the cement wall, a half mile outside the building, sending him landing on, and destroying the car the villains are in. When Adam Chaplin hits someone their face explodes, gore showers everything. If someone tries to look at the demon their eyes burn out of their heads.

Imagine the gore of DEAD/ALIVE being met with the brutality of STORY OF RIKKI and you are in the ballpark or ADAM CHAPLIN.  I have no idea what the budget for the film is, but I know it is low, extremely low. But the production value is up on screen, the stunts, fights and special effects are all top of the line. Watching the final fifteen minutes where the main character lays waste to dozens of people, all I could keep thinking was "what could this guy do with a larger budget?"

Highly recommended. Right now it is doing a scant few theatrical engagements but will be hitting USA DVD very soon. If you see a chance to see this, jump on it. 

Review © Andy Copp

HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE movie #25 - SUICIDE (2003)

SUICIDE (2003)
D. Raul Heimrich Yvonne Wunschell
TROMA
S.O.V.

This shocker from Kosovo has been sitting on my shelf for the better part of 8 years. For whatever reason I have never gotten around to watching it until now. There is not much plot to it, a couple are wandering around video taping suicides for their death website. At first just through word of mouth, then as news of the site grows they get more and more people asking them to come witness their death. The more self inflicted killing they see the more tempted they become to lend a helping hand for the sake of good footage. Leading to a final death that is truly shocking because it is so fucking difficult to see where the special effects are.

The movie is basically a voyeuristic journey into death and hinges on which vignette is the most effective. It opens with a man walking up a long flight of stairs explaining to the camera the dozens of ways you could kill yourself and why he wont do any of those. He finally is about to jump off the ledge but can't bring himself to do it, running away. And slipping and falling out of a hole in the floor and severing his head on the way down. But it is his nonchalant discussion of suicide that is the creepiest part of the scene. A later scene with two girls in their 20's overdosing on pills is extremely harrowing and grim. The blonde girl keeps swigging vodka and taking more pills only to vomit them up (for real) immediately) while her girlfriend does not get sick, only sleepy and  then finally dies. There is a guy who eats a shotgun but they cut away before impact thus blowing the whole feeling and making it too easy to see it is an effect. The guy who injects an air bubble into his vein is quite nasty too. And that one is all just acting. The movie gets all the details right; the ritualistic way each person takes off their wedding rings and watches, the difficulty in getting certain suicides to work, how each person panics at the end when they realize the true fatality of the situation. It is grim stuff folks.

Overall this is really just a freak show, but it is undeniable how effective of a freak show it is. It reminded me of the 70's experimental film TEENAGE WASTELAND in which a realistic car crash aftermath is presented as totally real. The same thing is happening here. Certainly not for all tastes, hell even most tastes for that matter. But the movie achieves what it has set out to do.

Review © Andrew Copp

 

HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE movie #24 - WE'RE GOING TO EAT YOU

WE'RE GOING TO EAT YOU (1980)
D. TSUI HARK
MEDIA BLASTERS
1.85

This early entry from Hong Kong wizard boy Tsui Hark is full of energy, kung fu and some splashy gore. But it uses those things to mask that there is very little plot, no scares and tons of goofy comedy in the mix as well. It is as hyperactive as you would expect from this director and equally incoherent. But there is some fun to be had amidst the chaos. 

Norman Chu (once again as we saw him as the lead in LEWD LIZARD. No, I did not intentionally have a Norman Chu double feature!) plays special Agent 999 who is on a small island looking for a criminal from his past named ROLEX (Melvin Wong). The island is overrun by mask wearing cannibals under order of the new chief of police. They are killing and eating people and giving a little of the left over meat to the mentally handicapped and poor villagers. 

While this is a set up for a no holds barred gore fest, the movie instead chooses to be a slapstick comedy with lots of martial arts. The cannibals all fight with a series of people in long, drawn out, intricate Kung Fu sequences that play more like demo reels for another film job. There is also a strange use of real handicapped and deformed people for bit parts, under most circumstances I would be fine with this, but here they are often used a comedic relief such as the giant transvestite that keeps attempting to rape the various men in the story. It just comes off as poor taste. 

If you can turn off your expectations the movie is very fast paced and rarely boring. There is a couple of fight scenes that lead to some splashy gore and yest even a few laughs. But over all it should have been a lot more. 

Review © Andrew Copp

HALLOWEEN HORROR CHALLENGE Movie #23 - LEWD LIZARD (1985)

LEWD LIZARD (1985) aka CHONG
D. Norman Chu
REALLY shitty bootleg

This bit of total insanity from your friends in Hong Kong is easily one of the most outrageous ideas for a movie that I have witnessed in some time. A total gross out sexploitaion horror hybrid that aims to get a retching sound out of most anyone. Anyone but those with lizard fetishes that is.

The tortured insanity that passes as plot is as follows. A young man (played by director Norman Chu) is spurned by his cute girlfriend because she has run off and married the local Mafiaso. She explains to him that she was more or less pushed into the marriage, but doesn't love his dumb ass anyway. She is much better off now. So while in a major depression our hero is hanging out on the beach and discovers dozens of tiny little lizards. No bigger than your pinky finger these guys are fast and unpredictable.  So Chu scoops them up and take a whole bunch of them home. Then suddenly he is peeping on women undressing, taking showers or hanging out at the beach. Why is he doing this? I am glad you asked because I asked the same question watching this filthy movie. He is stealing the panties of unsuspecting ladies. Stopping to sniff them to make sure they are saturated with the love juices of the women he stole them from. Soon it all makes sense as he uses the panties to concoct a potion that he then injects into the lizards (for real, yet another Hong Kong horror that PETA would love) sending the reptiles into a frenzy of pussy crazed lust!

He stalks out various women that have spurned him, laughed at him or just generally pissed him off and attacks them. Pulling off there clothes in what looks to be a vicious rape. But instead he just dumps a beaker of the lizards onto the ladies and presto! They crawl into the women's underwear and right into the baby ovens.

Soon the ladies are writing around in pleasure as the phantom reptiles go to work. But as the women screech into ecstasy the lizards begin to eat they wear further into their supple bodies. Chu eventually meets a girl he doesn't hate (during one of the earlier scenes he screams out "I HATE ALL WOMEN"!) and they spend a day of happy romance. But she finds a jar of his sex addict lizards and all does not end well for her. Eventually he gets around to tormenting his ex, but some soul searching may be in order.

Frankly the movie is terrible, terrible acting, writing, direction and even cinematography, But what it lacks in coherency or even talent, it makes up for with sheer audacity. I guarantee you have not seen a movie like this one before. If you have you have been sinking into some fetishes that you probably shouldn't. 

Review © Andrew Copp